Why Does This Keep Happening?

When the same relationship problem happens repeatedly, it is tempting to spend all of your time deciding who is right.

Try something different.

Pick one conflict or interaction that keeps happening.

Write down:

What usually happens first?

What do I do next?

How does the other person usually respond?

What do I do when they respond that way?

How does the interaction usually end?

Now stop looking at the individual argument and look at the pattern.

Ask yourself:

What am I trying to get when I respond this way?

Maybe you want reassurance, acknowledgment, control, closeness, space, an apology, or proof that you matter.

Then ask:

Does what I do make it more or less likely that I will get what I actually want?

This isn't about taking responsibility for another person's behavior. Their choices belong to them.

It is about becoming more honest about yours.

If I changed one part of my response, what would I do differently the next time this pattern begins?

You don't have to control the entire interaction to change your part of it.

Ready to take the next step?
If this exercise helped you recognize something you want to change, individual or couples coaching can help you turn that insight into action. Request a free consultation.